Who Gives A Doodle?
by QuackMoo
Summary: a fic by kayli! whoa! NEW CHAPTER! Kurt decides to be evil feel free to R&R because it's the next best thing you can do besides sending me a big box of happy. you could do that too, though. if you wanted. i take my happy in chocolate, thankyou!
1. No Said Banana!

YO! So I realized I haven't written anything for this account, and then this bowl of cheese was all; "write something, you dick head!" and well- YEAH! That convinced me! So I'm here and now you can read this!  
  
Disclaimer: *blank stare* come off it, I don't own x men evo! YESH!  
  
________________________  
  
Woot  
  
By: Kayli of QuackMoo  
  
________________________  
  
Kurt Wagner skipped happily to his room.  
  
There, waiting for him, or so he was told, was a banana!!! YEAH- ALRIGHT!!!!  
  
But, as we all know, there was no said banana. Scott's just demented like that! Poor Kurt, he had such high hopes for that Banana. College....doctors degree....part time super banana hero ma-jig.....  
  
"GaSp!" Kurt, our dear foreign friend, discovered NO SUCH BANANA!!!  
  
He raised his fists dramatically to the heavens, and it became all lightning-y, and there was crazy background music, too!!  
  
"AS MY NON EXISTANT BANANA AS MY WITNESS, I SHALL LEAVE, AND NEVER COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
With that, Kurt sniffled, and started packing his bags.  
  
Then, he was struck with idea! And it sorta hurt, cus he was struck in the butt.  
  
"I vill be evil!" he decided, "and I know the very place to do so!"  
  
With that, he teleported.  
  
______________ NEXT SENTACE, INCONCPICUOSLY FOLLOWED BY MORE SENTANCES!__________  
  
"STUDENTS!!!" Professor Xavier called throughout the mansion, "HEAD MY WHIM!!! GET YOUR LAZY ASSES OVER HERE!!!"  
  
And they all came, cause their like dogs! Especially Rhane, but she made a no-no on the carpet so she's tied to the tree outside.  
  
"What is it, Professor?" Scott-ie-don't asked.  
  
The professor breathed rapidly. "This is VERY important, it CANNOT wait a single moment longer, we must know now, as I am going to tell you now which is-" he made an 'eep' sound, and wheeled off.  
  
"I have to pee really bad, I'll be right back." He called over his shoulder.  
  
Two days later, but not really, as it was only 45 minutes, but 2 days on my planet, the Professor returned.  
  
"So what is the news?!" Scott probed on.  
  
"Oh, that? Sorry, I just came back to tell you to scratch that, take a dump is my need of action. Now stop stalling me- I got to take a dump!!!!!" and he wheeled away again.  
  
"Don't fall in!" Evan called after him, "Because then there wouldn't be anyone to give me yummy treats!"  
  
The other kids eyed him.  
  
"I meant to TOILET," Evan said exasperatedly, "Yesh. I don't want it clogged!"  
  
________the prof came back, that is all you need to know. *shifty eyes*__________  
  
The professor took a deep breath and said: "Kurt has shat in the corner of his room, and then he left to join the brotherhood."  
  
Jean burst out into tears. "OMG! That's so sad!!!" she sobbed. The professor patted her back, and bum, and said:  
  
"I know, it was really nice carpet...."  
  
And they all cried and mourned for the soiled carpet.  
  
Scott blinked, "......so...... Can I have his room?"  
  
________________AT DA BROTHERHOOD!!!_______________  
  
"I'm more of a character!!"  
  
"No! I am!!"  
  
"But I have a THEME SONG!"  
  
"Well, I'm so big, I could take up your theme song, AND the credits!"  
  
"Yeah but you DON'T!"  
  
Yes, the regular argument went among Brotherhood members Todd and Fred. In all truth, neither really knew what the hell they were arguing about. It's sorta an inside joke between me, and all you millions of compy-land dwellers, k?  
  
Kurt made this time to make his dramatic entrance, as he's been watching through a window for the most perfect entrance time for 45 minutes now.  
  
"I WANT TO BE EVIL!" Kurt said, as he teleported in.  
  
Everyone ignored him.  
  
Kurt cowered.  
  
"H-hello....? Please....notice me? I want to be eeeeeeeeevil.... LOOK AT ME!!"  
  
So they looked.  
  
"I shall be evil." Kurt declared.  
  
The brotherhood nodded, shrugged, farted, and all out made actions that ended with "ed" so they could of Kicked, Licked, jumped, danced, or anything of that sort. It's just your luck they didn't dance- because, well, you know. You saw them dance. It was very scary, wasn't it?  
  
Yeah. It really was.  
  
"Welcome to the Evil side- SONNY BOY!!"  
  
ohmigosh! Who could that be? You'll find out,  
  
NEXT CHAPTER.  
  
So how was that? Stupid, YES! Worthless, YES! But you can't say it wasn't dumb! Because it was, and I take pride in that.  
  
Please review!  
  
-Kayli of QuackMoo 


	2. Exclamation marks!

Thanks dear reviewers!!!! ^^ nup, the banana means nuthin; it was just what I was eating at the time. Bananas, the fruit..why not a veggie..? Huh. BECAUSE! Oh well. ^^  
  
Yeah, I didn't see the ep, *cries* but I did read the transcript for that ep. Made me cry! POOR KURT!! But it's not her, cus, it's just not. 0.o  
  
-------to the chapter! I glad you ppls like it! YAY!---------  
  
Woot! Chapter 2! Exclamation point!  
  
By: Kayli of QuackMoo  
  
NOTE: this part, and the rest, will be somewhat AU, because in MY world, Magneto stayed home like a wimp during IMPACT and he sucked on his toes and wasn't eaten my packman. ^^ r/r!  
  
________________  
  
GaSp!!!  
  
"Welcome to the Evil side- SONNY BOY!!"  
  
"you already said that....." Mumbled Fred.  
  
Kurt, for the sake of soap, yelled, "WHAT THE HELL!?"  
  
mmm. soap.  
  
"Huh? Oh, sorry. I forgot to tell you! You're my son!" said, none other, than....MAGNETO!  
  
Kurt blinked. "I am NOT."  
  
Magneto sighed, heart fallen, "Yeah, I know your not, but I really don't like how my son turned out. I want a new one! And since YOUR mom is (SPOILERS FOR IMPACT) -in a million pieces-"  
  
Kurt burst into tears right there. Aww.  
  
"I miss my mommy!" he sniffled. Then he laughed, and stopped crying, because Pietro had just farted, and that's something really funny. You know, because Pietro moves so fast you'd think the friction on his ass would grind down the farts, or something! Tee hee! But it didn't! giggle!  
  
"yes, well, that's sort of a shock to us all, cus she was a bitch and all....." Magneto reasoned.  
  
Kurt started to cry again, "But she was MY bitchy mom!" he whined.  
  
Magneto patted Kurt's back absently. "Yes, yes, we know. We ALL know." He got this dazed, almost misplaced look on his face- under his helmet- and then shook it off.  
  
"So, young lad, you want to be evil?"  
  
Kurt stood up, and grabbed at his butt, trying to untangle his uniform from his butt crack. Damn that uniform! Always chaffing.... 'why didn't I just get a Speedo like Beast?' Kurt wondered, 'ah, because Beast is the professor's favorite- DUH!'  
  
"Yes sir!" Kurt said happily, and then fell over. He'd lost his balance trying to de-wedgies himself.  
  
"and I need training." Kurt mumbled, standing up.  
  
"I'll say you do! Evil people NEVER get wedgies!" stated Magneto.  
  
Kurt blinked happily, "is that so?! Wow! If there's no other to be evil than coolness, world domination, cool laughs, asteroids....."  
  
Kurt went on listing all the benefits to evil bad guy ness, and hours passed,  
  
"....then it's DEFINITELY the no wedgies perk!"  
  
"indeed!" Magneto agreed, and got down to business! He would of let Kurt continue speaking in the great ways of bad guy ness, but he STILL had to save an hour of ass kissing for Pietro...so he didn't kill him...wow. Great parenting skills, eh?  
  
"ANYWHO..." Magneto started with that crazy serious, my-Bucket-Headed-Ness- Makes-Me-Act-All-Bad-Ass attitude on. Yay! You know it makes you happy. VERY happy. ^^  
  
"If you want to be evil......"  
  
"oh most definitely sir!" Kurt chipped, happily.  
  
"Really Evil....."  
  
"nothing but!"  
  
"Rub Cat backwards evil....."  
  
"To the fullest!"  
  
"Bite heads off puppies evil...."  
  
"As many as I can fit in my mouth!"  
  
"TELEMARKETER EVIL....."  
  
Kurt fell to the floor. "PLEASE! Yes! That's what I want! Will you help me!?"  
  
Magneto put himself in thought, and TRIED to rub his chin, but he couldn't because, well, you know buckets these days.....  
  
"Sure, what the hell? But AS main bad dude around....."  
  
Magneto was cut off by Pietro's scoffing.  
  
"Scoff! Scoff-scoff scoffity-scoff!" Scoffed Pietro! "SCOFF!" he added for emphasis.  
  
"Yeah, I KNOW!" Magneto grumbled. "geez! Apocalypse, Apocalypse! Is that all you ever think about!? You freaking obsessed, son......"  
  
Pietro sniffled, and shrunk down into a corner.  
  
"as I was saying," magneto flew around the room. "wee!! Wee! I was saying wee!!"  
  
Kurt nodded. 'such majesty!' he thought. 'such pride!'  
  
"weeee!!!!" Magneto flew into a wall. "ow....."  
  
he scrambled to his feet, and put on his all-powerful attitude on again. "If you truly want to be evil, you will join the Acolytes, and forget these losers! HEHE!! I called you losers! Didn't you hear? Heehee!!!"  
  
Lance stood up, angry "I'll rock your socks!!" he threatened.  
  
Magneto blinked. "but I'm wearing SANDALS."  
  
Lance blinked also- hey! The blinkage is catching on!- and sat down. "then I guess I'm powerless."  
  
Kurt brought the attention back to him.  
  
"Don't you want to know why I left the X-Men?" he asked.  
  
"no." said Magneto.  
  
".....you sure?"  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
"it's pretty cool...."  
  
"no thanks."  
  
"well, well, WHY NOT?!"  
  
Magneto sighed. "I've lived to long to question! I can be suspicious LATER! Right then things are getting into plot! But now, we fly!"  
  
And he flew...and left Kurt on the ground.  
  
"I can't fly." Kurt stated.  
  
Magneto landed again. "yeah, I know. But I was trying to make you fly with my power. Cus, the iron in your blood...."  
  
"oh, Professor made us all a diet which gave is NO iron." Kurt fell down, unconscious.  
  
He got up a minute later. "heh. That's just a side effect....near death....no biggie...."  
  
"ok, whatever...." Magneto shrugged. "we can take the balls!"  
  
"the balls?"  
  
"the balls!"  
  
"oh! The balls!"  
  
"yes, the balls!"  
  
huzzah. ^^  
  
Magneto, with his AWESOME power, brought down two really cool orb things through the roof of the Brotherhood Boarding house.  
  
Kurt stepped in one, and did Magneto, and they flew off.  
  
"they put holes in our house...." Todd observed.  
  
"yeah."  
  
JUST THEN- and not a second later!- did the two orbs fly back in, and squish the brotherhood flat!  
  
Magneto and Kurt laughed menacingly.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.....  
  
___________________  
  
In probably the next chapter, but who knows!? Heh. ^^ Do review, you've all be awesome bout that n e way, so, YAY! =D  
  
Hope you liked that chappy! So, now, 'stead of bunking with the brotherhood, Kurt's gonna go be evil with the Acolytes! YAY! Pietro probably survived, so don't be alarmed if his flat n speedy ass pops up somewhere soon. ^^  
  
Kayli, of QuackMoo  
  
NOTE!!!: hihi! If you liked this, you might like something else I've written under the name, " Scrawler " titled, "NUH UH" and "UH HUH". Fun fics of dumb. They are! Review, you should! Read, you best! ^.~ 


	3. GAH! MONKEY!

Weee! Yeah yeah, I haven't kept up with this, have I? Well, crap happens...  
  
Review shout outs: //////FILL OUT KAYLI- DON'T FOGET AGAIN!!////  
  
Agent-wolfwood: hey! I know you! Spiffy! Yes, you do love my fics. *pulls a mastermind on you* you dooooooo... yeah. I like the edge of wrong. Tis a nice vacation spot. Here's the update!  
  
Alliriyan: I am a mad loon! Thank you! Mystique being in pieces, ah, spoiler for Impact. I don't want to tell you if you think you shouldn't know.... but review this chappy and tell me and I'll tell you. Cus it's a pretty big deal....  
  
Kiki Cabou: (tis an honor!) cool!!! At school, man, I remember doing that. ^^ thank you- tis such a great honor! Here's more! =D  
  
Tearra: lol. I SAW IT ALL!!!! You can be funny, you are! Hurrah! Yes, it is sad.... *sniffle* but that's why the funnies are here. ^^  
  
Duck: indeed. That's what I was going for! ^^  
  
FlamingElf: thanks! Of course you can be evil cus I know you wanna go live with the Acolytes... *hint hint wink wink* hurrah!  
  
Mrs. Trucks' Mom: thanks! You don't think I haven't checked out the Jean, Ororo, Rogue and Kurt account? I love it! I'm hoping for more of your caught on tape deals. ^^ wow! Your like the terminator only different! YAY!  
  
----wow that's like the first time I've ever done that!------  
  
Here's the chapter!!!! Read and review!! Exclamation points again!!!!! See how I abuse the key!!!!!!!!!! Damn I'm eeeeeeeeevil!!!!!!!! There I go again- WHOA!!!!!!  
  
_______  
  
Woot, chapter 3: GAH! MONKEY!  
  
By: Kayli of QuackMoo  
  
_______  
  
Kurt looked around at the orb he was in.  
  
"Cozy, yet spacious..."  
  
Upon finding what seemed to be an intercom speaker, Kurt, for no reason what so ever, spoke into it.  
  
"Luke....i am your father...."  
  
"Tee hee! That's kinda what I said to you!"  
  
yipes! Someone answered.  
  
"Magneto?"  
  
"Knock knock!"  
  
Kurt blinked. Yay! Games! "whose there?"  
  
In the other orb, Magneto blinked. ''whose there?'' he thought to himself, 'god, I must have my work cut out for me! This kids got ADD!'  
  
Very slowly, Magneto said: "M-a-g-n-e-t-o. this is M..a....g....n...e....t.....o..... do you remember?"  
  
"umm...yeah."  
  
'hurumph. Denial.  
  
Magneto only shrugged, and in a matter of moments, he started screaming into the intercom.  
  
"GAHHHHHHH!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!!"  
  
Kurt jumped. "vas? Die? I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"  
  
"Yes! DIE! I'M TOO VALUBLE TO DIE! I'M THE LAST OF THE WHITE-HAIRED-HUGE- CHIN-AND-NECK-IANS! WAAAAAA!!! MOMMY SAVE ME!"  
  
Kurt caught a breath in his throat. "Magneto, sir, why are we going to die?!"  
  
Huh. Magneto hadn't thought of that. Usually people just went along with whatever he said.. cus he was, after all, THE MASTER OF MAGNETISM- WHOAAAA!!!!  
  
'Man. My work is REALLY cut out! Lackeys should not ask questions!'  
  
oh! Then it came to him. The answer, that it. Not the pineapple you were hoping for. Sorry loser.  
  
"I CANT SEE OUT OF THIS BALL! I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING!!!!"  
  
Kurt blinked, again.  
  
"oh....well...damn...."  
  
"yeah I know."  
  
The two were in silence in their separate orbs.  
  
"so...." Kurt twiddled his thumbs. "why has this never happened before?"  
  
magneto answered simply: "oh, it has."  
  
"..UH HUH..."  
  
"oooh! I love that fic!" giggled magneto. Kurt was lost.  
  
"well, if this has happened before, and you're still alive, what did you do? Last time, I mean, to live and all...."  
  
Magneto shook his head. THINKING. A lackey- thinking?! What a woot....  
  
"O0o0o0o0o0oh." Mageto then calmed. "Thaaaaaaa-aaaaat. You see--"  
  
__________________HA! Now you'll never know!_______________  
  
Kurt hopped out of the perfectly intact orb. Magneto came out of his.  
  
"Man, I never would of thought of that." Kurt quipped, starring at the orb.  
  
"Yeah," Magneto replied with a smart smirk. "I'm smart like that. Oranges."  
  
"And the pencil sharpeners- man, that was genius!"  
  
Magneto nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Damn good."  
  
Magneto lead Kurt into his evil lair like dome thing that was clear on the side of a mountain. Kurt saw a bunny, and wanted to be friends with it, but Magneto wouldn't have it.  
  
"Cute furry creatures aren't friends because their not evil." He had said.  
  
Kurt nodded. 'good thing I'm not furry... wait....damn.... well......... I'm not cute!'  
  
Out of no where millions of fangirls came out and ambushed him. When they left in a cloud of dust (peculiar for in the snow....) Kurt had happily written notes of, 'OMG YOUR SO CUTE!!!!!' n whatnot on them. Sighing, he hurried up to Magneto.  
  
'well then, I'll just overlook those two things...'  
  
Magneto was talking to himself as Kurt caught up. No, actually, Mags sota thought Kurt was walking with him and listening (and taking notes too!) when really he wasn't. oh well. Magneto didn't sense a change, anyway.  
  
"so anyway..." Magneto continued. "My Lackeys are very cool. Their all from different places, and have some kick ass accents! You'll fit in, because your foriegn too. I'll introduce you to them! Yay!"  
  
"yay!"  
  
"Your German right? I'm Jewish. Be mean to me and I'll push you down the stairs."  
  
Kurt nodded. Reasonable agreement...  
  
Magneto continued. "Oh, yeah. I remember now. The castle and mystique and mumble mumble mumble."  
  
Kurt blinked happily, "Will you tell me about my past!?" he chirped.  
  
"uhhhhhhhhhhhh. No." Magneto smiled. "The one thing we evil people do is not tell each other stuff. Like how I think Gambit looks stupid with his mushroom hair cut. I tell him its fine and then I giggle behind his back."  
  
Kurt nodded in thought. "Will you giggle behind MY back?"  
  
"Yes. Most definitely. You look very freakish. There is much to giggle about."  
  
"hurrah!"  
  
and all was well.  
  
They entered the dome.  
  
"LACKEYS!!!!" Magneto called throughout the lair. No one came.  
  
"Well I never said they were WELL TRIANED lackeys!" Magneto huffed. Kurt shrugged. Evil was still going to be fun!  
  
"huuuuh. We'll have to go look for them, because the 'Assemble Rings' I got them haven't come in yet..."  
  
"Assemble Rings?" Kurt asked, finding that title very stupid, and something he'd never in all his elf-ness would want to be associated with!  
  
"yeah, like on the Power Rangers. They Assemble- and not just when their all together because they don't have any other life outside being color coded ninjas. When I give the word, my Lackeys will assemble by force of the ring."  
  
A furry little man named Frodo walked by, went invisible, went un invisible, and then was run over by a snow plow.  
  
"That's some crazy shit." Magneto observed.  
  
Magneto stopped in front of a chrome door. A hand made sign tapped onto the door read; "UNLESS YOUR GOING TO BRING ME MY FAMILY, DAMNIT, OR A SNACK CAKE, ALSO DAMNIT, I WONT OPEN THE DOOR AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! EXCEPT FOR YOU MAGNETO, BECAUSE THIS DOOR IS METAL AND THAT SUCKS FOR ME. IF THIS DOOR WAS BROWN AND WOOD I BET A RAT NAMED SPLINTER COULD GET IN, OR A MUTANT NAMED PLYWOOD BUT I DON'T KNOW OF SUCH...."  
  
The big writing had run out, and the message reached an end.  
  
"he's all moody." Magneto said with a shrug, and opened the door.  
  
"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!"  
  
a shrill scream came from inside.  
  
Kurt covered his eyes because he's a good little lad like that, dick head! Whaaaaaaaat? You thought he'd pounce right in? well, I was toying with that.... yea yea, kidding. Let us continue....  
  
"colossus!" Magneto sighed, "Will you shut up?!"  
  
Colossus, a large metal man, at the time not metal, stopped screaming.  
  
"I thought if I annoyed you enough you'd die and I could return home safe with my family and never have to be unhappy again." He said.  
  
Magneto rolled his eyes. "Your wrong on that one, Betty!"  
  
Colossus cringed. He hated being called Betty. Go and TRY to understand Magneto, I can guarantee you wont. He's just too advanced for us. Too cool, man.  
  
"Colossus, dear lackey, we must gather the rest of the Acolytes up because we have a -drum roll- new member!!" Magneto moved aside and Kurt stood tall.  
  
"I am going to be evil, it's that great!?" Kurt said.  
  
Poitr (Colossus) shrugged. "like I care."  
  
Magneto scoffed. "Colossus! That is no way to be nice to our new member! You should know better than that!"  
  
Colossus mumbled an apology, and followed Magneto and Kurt out to gather the other Acolytes.  
  
"soooooooo...." Kurt tried to make small talk with Colossus.  
  
"da?"  
  
"weee! That's like Ja only different!" Kurt smiled.  
  
Colossus caught on, and smiled too.  
  
BOOM!  
  
Instant friends.  
  
Isn't it funny how crap like that works?  
  
Yeah, kinda. Sometimes it's just dumb. Dumb like my watch that lies.  
  
"Here we are! Another living quarters!" Magneto said as he pushed open the door. Obviously this guy doesn't care much for privacy of others. Obviously.  
  
Inside this room was, whoa, pictures of monkeys (ugly ones) everywhere!  
  
I mean, EVERYWHERE! The walls and floor and ceiling!  
  
"Mastermind?" Magneto questioned about the room.  
  
"I'm here." A voice said.  
  
"Whoa! Did that photorealistic picture of a super ugly monkey just talk?!" Kurt gasped.  
  
Magneto squinted to where he'd heard the voice. He saw Mastermind.  
  
"Naw, that's just Mastermind." He said.  
  
"oh."  
  
Said Mastermind stepped out of the room.  
  
"Mastermind we have a new Acolyte! It's this person here."  
  
"here." Kurt said.  
  
"Indeed. Here."  
  
Kurt waved. "Whats with all the monkey pictures....?" he asked.  
  
Mastermind raised an eyebrow. "those? They remind me of my mother."  
  
"huh."  
  
Mastermind looks like a freakin monkey, and ugly one, in case you don't know.... but I seriously doubt you could miss something like that on TV. I bet you'd overlook him if he was in the zoo or something, but anywhere else you'd probably want to give it a banana. Or shoot it. You know, to put it out of its misery. He's a pretty screwed up monkey.  
  
Mastermind blinked. "I know you." He said to Kurt.  
  
Kurt squinted. "And I know you."  
  
Poitr broke the silence. "So, you know each other."  
  
So with that shitty piece of work, we end now and forever hold our peace!  
  
_________________ (they know each other from 'the toad the witch and the wardrobe' but they never said HI to each other, so whatever)________  
  
A/N: I bet your wondering why I didn't do the practical thing, and continue with gathering Pyro, Gambit and Pietro. Well, simple answer. I AM NOT A PRACTICAL PERSON!  
  
Which Is why I'm sorry to report you guys gotta wait for the next chapter! Sorry, but I'm lazy like this. ^^ tehehehehehehe. Please review and tell me what you liked, didn't like, hated, loathed, thought was cool, thought I could do better, what you want to happen, whatever. Questions, suggestions, that whole lot. ^^  
  
Kayli of QuackMoo 


End file.
